My whole life I have been curious and questioning of life’s purpose. As a young child of four or five, I used to scare my mother with all my questions. “Tell me, Mom,” I would ask. “Why are we here right now, sitting on the grass and looking up into the clouds? Why us? Why here? What’s beyond those clouds in the sky? Why are we alive in these bodies right now?” I’m certain I made her to feel anxious with my barrage of questions. She’d often say back to me: “Curiosity killed the cat, Simmy (her pet name for me)”.
Instead, curiosity has inspired me. Between the ages of seven and ten, I struggled with a serious infection. I would get somewhat better at times but then become deathly ill with temperatures of 105°. I’d be put into ice baths to try and lower my dangerous fevers. I endured multiple hospitalizations. Sometimes I would hallucinate, horrible images I still recall today.
During one hospitalization I had what I later learned was a near-death experience (NDE). This is what I experienced during that event:
- Unbelievable freedom as I left my body
- Being led to very bright and soothing light
- Being greeted by a loving female presence in white light who comforted me and told me she would always be with me and that I would be fine (my Spirit Guide?)
- A deep sense of peace, fearlessness and freedom
After my NDE, I was back in my body, awake and pain free. Because I was in a hospital, I was certain that this female being in white was a nurse and I demanded to have all the nurses come to see me (this was very out of character for a shy, dutiful boy). When I was unable to see her again, I became very upset and sad and yet curious where she had gone.
From that point on, I was fascinated with what death and dying meant, indeed, what it was. When I tried to explain what had happened to me, I’d get blank stares from the nuns at school. I learned to “shut up” about the experience. Instead, I headed to the library to read all I could about death and dying. Ray Moody became my hero. I eventually learned about NDEs, and my experience suddenly made sense. For my whole life, I have been what Edmund in Eugene O’Neill’s Long Day’s Journey into Night calls “a little in love with death” … because I still recall the amazing peace and freedom I experienced.
I have not feared death since. Instead, I have pondered on it, and studied Transpersonal Psychology, Yoga, Christian Mysticism and Buddhism. I have worked as a Psychologist for Hospice. Many years ago, I had a more classic Spiritual Kundalini Awakening while reading spiritual words channeled from divine Source. In the recent past, I have explored the trauma of my illness and the suffering my body and psyche endured with the guidance of shamans and plant medicine. It was during these journeys that I received further insight and a fuller understanding of how to assist others on this glorious path toward a more conscious life, which includes a more conscious preparation for death.